The book ‘Boundaries‘ by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend book made me cry in the best possible way. It is everything I need in this period of my life, and it might be what you need too.
It took me more than 7 months to finish but it was worth it. I highly recommend this life-changing book to people-pleasers (like me) and to people who were never taught to say no.
The book confirms the eye-opening idea that as children, we start to live life without boundaries. Our very survival depends on our parents, which automatically makes us seek their approval. However, as we grow up and become more independent, we tend to start pushing that need onto other people in our lives as well – like our friends or bosses or teachers.
Some people go along with what their friends want to do because they don’t want to be alone or bullied. Some people can’t say no to their boss because of the consequences that will happen. Some people let others run their lives for them, let their moods depend on how their partner feels, GIVES IN to appease whatever chaotic situation arises.
However, if we continuously nurture these habits, how much have we really grown up?
How different are we from the kid version of ourselves?
While enforcing boundaries WILL be met with resistance, consequences, or possibly harm, that does not mean that it is something we should not do. It does not mean standing up for ourselves is wrong, because doing so will protect us and the people that we love.
Boundaries also allow other people to OWN their part in life, as it gives them the chance to develop a sense of responsibility and attain self-actualization.
From my perspective after reading this book, having boundaries is part of growing up to be a healthier and more mature individual. Saying no to something means that you’re saying yes to something else. The same is also true the other way around.
It’s extremely refreshing to realize that, to the people who truly care about us, our “no” is just as valid as our “yes”.
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